I’m really afraid of losing things
I know I own, there are a lot of things I whisper through the air wishing air
could just blow it away. Things I wish will never happen. There are things that
we treasure and we value so much, and in giving so much love to these things we
are ready to sacrifice everything even our own happiness, pride and freedom. I’m
ready to suffer any pain, just to make sure that it will not be someone I love
who will suffer from it.
Moments somehow help us to be
stronger, but sometimes no matter how hard I try not to see things in a
different way. it’s just me, I can’t blame myself for being like this, though denying this feeling is not a problem
but everytime things like this happen I really don’t like the things I am
thinking about or the even the way I think. Even though I already feel this and
trying to ignore this is not easy and painful, I’m really trying to endure it
all alone because I don’t want you to suck at understanding me because I myself
believes that I’m really unpredictable, I may act the opposite of what I’m
really thinking.
I know I seem to mess things up,
but instead of helping me regain myself and fix all the mess you're helping me
mess up, I actually think, you love messing up too. I hate to deny what I feel
because I don’t want you to feel bad about yourself, I mean I don’t want you to
think that you are the problem, because honestly I know, I am. I’m too bad, not
to trust you. That’s why for you not to think about it, I keep what I feel to
myself and pretend that I’m okay even though I’m friggin not okay.
"Never give up." This is
what it should be, because I know we feel the same. But I’m in turmoil most of
the times trying to think what is happening is too much that I already need
space and that this should end as soon as possible, but all of the people
around is enough pressure for me not to think that way. It’s just a sort of
paranoia which is really not good. I hate to think about losing things, really.
Im still confused if Im supposed to tell things to people.
To tell or not to tell?
-chaeny-
